Sharing
Lately, my house has been full of strife, as in two little girls fighting over toys, objects, movies, laps, you name it. If one girl eyes it, the other girl claims it before the first just to cause more strife. My attempts at training, mostly by taking the item away, are obviously not working because the behavior is not changing. Any advice would be appreciated.
Note:
I am dealing with a 3-year-old in this mix. My mother-in-law, who has raised seven of her own plus foster children, says that the most difficult age is 3. I concur (so far).
Posted in: advice, discipline, sharing on Thursday, March 18, 2010 at at 10:20 AM
I am right there with you...up till now it has been between my 7 and 5 year old, but now the 5 year old and 2 year old have started. I constantly go back and forth with trying to teach them that it is not all about them and that life is not fair (so get used to it:) and then also trying to let them exert their own boundaries and know that it is not ok for someone to walk up to you and grab something from you. What a predicament. Most of the time, the age old "Do unto others..." verse works, and when that goes out the door, we set a timer.
Three is the hardest age... right now I'm thinking that 4-5 yrs is the hardest!
We use the timer occasionally at our house. We were just reminded by Tedd Tripp last week that it is a heart issue, deep down, remember that? Isn't it hard to teach that! We're still trying to figure it out...
Thanks, ladies. Sara, I've been thinking that it's time Matt and I watched or read "Shepherding a Child's Heart Again". Have either of you heard of "Growing Kids God's Way"?
Growing up Mom used a timer for wanted-by-everyone toys. I want to say 10 minutes per kid. It worked. I go back and forth with my boys between trading toys for toys, making one give a toy to the other, and letting them duke it out between each other. We aren't going to be able to solve all their arguments and fights and so I do think it's okay every now and then to let them figure it out (even if it's not what I would think is fair, such as who can body slam the other until they give up)... OR I take the toy away ALL day and let them try to be nice and share it the NEXT day. =)
I have a dvd of Shepherding a Child's Heart if you want to borrow it.
When my kids were little, Growing Kids God's Way was the thing. Everyone was doing it. Although some ideas can be gleaned from most, this book/curriculum is quite legalistic. It is a formula to follow. And let me tell you, I would have loved a formula that made everything all better. It's so much easier to just follow 7 simple steps and viola, perfect kids. But since my kids don't have perfect parents, that's not likely to work. And, most importantly, God did'nt make it that way. He is a personal God who knows us and the children He gave us. He wants us to walk with him as we raise each individual soul with it's unique personality & strengths & weaknesses. He will give us wisdom for each. And as we are dependent on God for this, it shows our children who they are to go to for their needs, too. A God who is there. Formulas tend to not really need God. We can do it all by ourselves.
Some of their books for wee ones have wisdom about scheduling that is good for some kids, but, again, if I remember correctly, they sort of make you feel like a loser if you don't have a perfectly scheduled kid. Some kids need schedules. Some don't.
I do like the Shepherding book. It doesn't seem like a formula to be followed. It is very encouraging and practical at the same time.